Not Ready

from I Am Frightened. by BLinds.

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lyrics

I tend to over-anticipate things.
The more excited I get about something,
The more flat it ends up falling.
Quality, Quantity, Time, Distance.
I always seem to be more prepared than I need to be.
Always, except for now.
Walking down streets that comprise most of
who I tell myself that I am,
I seem surprised at the
vomit splattered cement
stained glass windows spidered
and shattered into the shapes
of make believe continents,
on these streets I’ve seen
a million times on my
way to church or another
suchly related function.
I got so caught up in
telling everyone how
the side of the river I
grew up on was so much
tougher than theirs,
I never really stopped
to think that
maybe that exact thought
is what’s keeping
these old walks
the way they are.
‘Look, but don’t touch,
It’s dirty’.
How could I allow myself
to be so judgemental yet
so distant from the
community?
Everyday I read about
making a difference in
the world I live, yet
I don’t even want to
make nice with
the neighbourhood I spent
so much time growing up around.
What kind of person am I
to say these things and not
actually do something about them?
The kind I’d always feared?
Seems like it.
I’m not ready for that.