I remember it was bible camp when I was eleven, or 12.
Everyone wanted a partner for the banquet that never came.
But I asked you, and you said yes.
I can still recall your smell.
But camp ended and I felt like something was there,
we dated over MSN for a month,
because you lived in Waldhiem..
Or Warman..
Or Whatever.
But your ex moved back to town.
The one who'd said forever.
And our fractured relationships type-cast
was too uncomfortable.
A crutch quickly.. Cast off.
I shed one tear under my sheets,
then drank in Nintendo screens to help me forget that,

I was a mistake.

Then there was eighth grade,
when you were the only one to pay me any attention.
You were my first kiss,
my first held hand,
my first cuddle,
my first crazy...
Just crazy.
Our one month came along during a lovely lazy Saturday.
I was 13, of course I forgot.
One pissed phone call, and I hung up,
My patience wrinkled and dry as my hands after washing dishes.
Next day on facebook what do I find,
A torn Kodak signifying the end.
No skin off my knee,
I was glad you were off my back.

But I was a mistake.

Then ninth grade rolls around,
and we've known each other since sixth grade,
Through that mutual friend who lived across the fence from you.
You were shy and artistic,
but I REALLY started liking you when I found out you liked
Mario Kart.
And Donkey Kong.
And Super Smash Brothers.
And since my life was boring,
basing our relationship off of another's seemed logical.
We texted every other day for 3 1/2 weeks almost.
I think we touched shoulders once or twice.
Then I got a message one day in my besties basement.
Barely beginning to bring me to terms with what was happening.
I was suffocating you, I suppose.
But you always said the most...

I was a mistake?

Then grade 10,
I found out you were willing to come into town to watch Disney movies.
I loved Robin Hood, so we watched it,
and I used it as an excuse to yawn my arm around you.
Your shoulders were country raised,
and broader than mine,
so it was kinda awkward.
Then there was the cuddling, way to quick for you.
After a shrug, we had snack and you left Saskatoon,
reminded of a near rape experience
with that older guy a few months ago.
I could already tell

I was a mistake.

But you liked horses, and dancing, and I thought that was cute.
You and your friends were always more mature than I
But I made my fart jokes for cheap laughs,
just to see how long I could make your smile last.
Your commitments overseas approached rapidly
with the tide you rode out on,
and I was coming on too strong for the amount of time you had left.
I saw you dance once before the sea took you.
I won't forget to breathe anymore.

I was a mistake.

Then I saw you in the commons.
With that same mutual friend from before, and we were introduced.
Little did I know that the relationship that was produced
would shake you from your
crumbling foundation and cause your tears
to wash away the sandy structure of sanity you had left.

I was a mistake.

Then we met at Denny's one time and you shared some baked goods.
One thing lead to another,
and we ended up kissing on your basement floor.
But I was an asshole, and never gave credit where credit was due,
Reminding you of a relationship that deeply hurt you.

I was a mistake.

Then I started texting you after high school,
desperate for some affection.
And you were still a few years behind,
but I couldn't fathom how responsible you were.
French immersion, top of the class, canoe club, all that jazz choir.
But you were busy and I was obnoxious

And I was a mistake.

Finally, it was your 20th,
and I dressed up all nice
and picked you up in my shitty Cav,
with the rust spot trim on the yellowed eggshell white.
I ate like a pig and you just had an appetizer.
This meal was for you.
I should've seen it coming..
'You make me feel special,
you treat me well and it hurts to see you go, but...'

I was a mistake?!

Happy fucking birthday.